


Through Fear We Will Evolve

by FridayKnights (orphan_account)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Fear, Free Verse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Nonfiction, Poetry, References to Depression, Sadness, So many emotions, dark themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 04:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15901038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/FridayKnights
Summary: A collection of poems depicting the earlier years of my life ... dealing with emotions such as fear, hurt, depression and anxiety. These poems are raw and uncensored, and were written to help cope with past traumas.





	Through Fear We Will Evolve

**Author's Note:**

> Writing these have lessened the emotional strain in my heart by tenfolds. These aren’t happy pieces of writing, their raw and real, and full of emotion. All of my heart has bled into these words... so no matter how anyone else feels about my writing, this is the only time I’ll ever be selfish and say I wrote these for myself. 
> 
> I’m hoping, though, that there are people out here who’ll relate to my pain and find some kind of comfort to know they aren’t the only ones who feel this way. 
> 
> I open up about many things here, growing up adopted, experiencing bullying, not knowing my real parents, and about my sexuality as well as my gender. I’m pansexual and gender fluid, I’m black and was adopted by a white family when I was two. 
> 
> I have so many stories to tell, and because I’m bad with words I feel like less is more, and many stories on here are told in less than 100 words. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

** ｍｙ ｏｗｎ ｈａｎｄ**

 

I watched the blood trickle down my thighs

Down my arms and down the drain 

Against the blade 

Across my skin

And it burned

For once I felt something 

That was wasn’t emptiness

It was pain

I cried for hours

But I felt human 

Because I bled 

 

** ｓｌｅｅｐ **

I could sleep for hours

Under the soft moonlight 

All alone and afraid

But its meant to be that way

 

I could sleep not a wink at all

Under a full moon

I toss and turn 

And wish for you

 

Mom

Dad

 

_Where are you?_

 

** ｍｙ ｍｏｔｈｅｒ'ｓ ｄａｕｇｈｔｅｒ**

Am I her?

I can’t be

We’re blood but nothing more

 

I’m not you 

Yet here I am

Wishing for you 

On four leaf clovers

I cannot find 

 

I’m dancing around 

In lily flowers

Just wanting to be 

my mother's daughter 

 

But who I am?

I’m not much

Just your **_blood_**

 

  **ｔｏｏ ｙｏｕｎｇ**

It was too early for me to see

Exactly what could make a mother leave

I see daughters and their sisters

With their mothers And grandmothers

I was too young to understand envy

I was too young to understand family

So I pushed everyone away

Hoping it’d be my mom

Who convinced me to stay

 

_an ode to father’s_

It’s too common to see sons and daughter without their fathers

They should see what makes a man

Not what makes a coward

They leave without a word

They fear the responsibility

 

But do not even try

To give their child a they love they need

Dear fathers If you can

Give you baby a hug

_Tell them you care_

 

**ｂｌｏｏｄ ｐｒｉｓｏｎ**

To be stuck in B+

I’m Not Positive

I feel small and weak

I bond to nothing but my fears

The whispers in the dark

They fall on deaf ears

 

I’m stuck to O-

I cannot leave

Bound by papers and signatures

I’m yours by the law

 

Yet we’re blood I feel alone

I feel stuck

I do not feel at home

Stuck in this blood prison

I need to escape

 

**Ｉ'ｍ Ｓｏｒｒｙ**

I carved those words into my skin

Those lines on my arms will never leave

I am scared and bruised and broke

Do they care?

_I’m sorry, I yell_

Do they listen?

_Im sorry, I cry_

They do not even hear me

Now I cry in dark alleys and to strangers online

Because those who are blood

Are letting me die inside

 

**ｗｅａｋｎｅｓｓ**

I joke

I laugh

I **do not** cry

 

I smile

I hug

I **do not** cry

 

I live

I love

I **do not** cry

 

I never cry in the presence of those around me

Because I’m **weak**

But pretending to be strong.

 

**ｍｉｄｎｉｇｈｔ**

I’m constantly looking for someone to save me

The clock strikes midnight

And the loneliness hits

The fear sets in

I crave to be touched and loved

There’s no price or princess to save me

No Royal knights

No fearless warriors

No man or woman

Willing to save me from myself

I’ll be the one to save me

_Maybe.._

 

**ａｌｏｎｅ**

Fighting depression alone

Is like fighting a fire

With a water gun

A small water gun

One with no water

The fire **rages**

The tears _don’t stop_

You’re stuck there alone

With no way out

 

**  ｕｎｆａｉｒ **

They point and laugh and call me names

I get angry and shout

I throw fists and freak out

I’m the one they blame.

 

** ｗｈａｔ ｔｈｅｙ ｓａｙ **

They say It’ll be okay

Do they Know what that

Even means?

Don’t fill me with false promises 

Don’t tell me if you’re not sure

Don’t tell me I need help

_Actually help me_

if you care

Truth be told,

It will not be okay.

At least not today.

I will pray for **tomorrow**

be it a better day.

 


End file.
